He Broke Up Because Of Another Girl: Old Patterns Die Hard

Met up with a most-beloved friend recently.. She had a breakup story to share, ending a 7 year relationship. Initially, i didn't know what the story was about.. and as the story unfolded over Korean food, Soju and Hite Beer, the guy had developed a new flirtatious relationship with a co-worker.

It sounded all too familiar !!!!!
The difference in her case was that she found out about it and had seen painful evidence of 'good morning !' texts along with other constant conversations throughout the day and sometimes till 2am in the morning.

Oh how the story reminded me of my breakup. And though it was so long ago, the memories still remain. Not sure whether to feel good that I had a similar story to share with her that could brought her comfort and at the same time be a living example of how you can go back to being normal after your heart feels like was ripped from your chest. Or whether to feel sad that her story kind of made me relive my past.

She kept asking me : " How could he give up 7 years of us for her? "
The answer i had was that : " He just could "

And we can go on and on and on with the reasons why....
1) he wasn't getting what he wanted in the relationship
2) he wanted a change of flavor
3) the girl is prettier/sweeter/nicer/ kinder etc
4) she lives closer to him
And the list goes on and on...

But you can't run away from the fact that he just doesn't want to be with you anymore. He probably thought about it long and hard, trying to make sense of his feelings and what he was doing. A part of him probably didn't even want to be emotionally cheating with the new girl. You can rationalize and blame him and blame the universe for such a horrible thing happening, but it still remains that the relationship with you just wasn't working for him anymore.

My advice?

1. Start to see where the relationship wasn't working for YOU.
Did you put up with him not being as attentive as before? Did you tell yourself to be more understanding toward his behaviour? Was he too busy at work to call or meet you?

2. Assess what you could have done differently.
Instead of thinking that he/she would love you if you changed. What's done cannot be undone. Ask yourself honestly: do I really want to change? and if you answer 'YES' then start doing it differently with the other people around you. Just saying " i will change" just sounds needy and unbelievable after a breakup, just an excuse to reconcile. Don't do it.

3. Know that there is someone out there who really adores you and has better communication.
I believe that for a relationship to work, both parties have to try everything they can. Especially talking out their differences and making it known how they prefer their partner to behave. Not everyone is psychic or a mind reader, if he can't tell you what he wants, how he wants you to behave instead, then how do you know if it can be done? If he breaks up with you to be with another girl and doesn't give a fair reason for why the relationship isn't working out for him, then please don't hold on to him anymore. There are so many many more men out there and you can find one who is emotionally and verbally developed to have a decent adult conversation about how he feels in the relationship and about you.
But this is just my 2cents worth.
Hope it helped in some way :)
Here is a song i really like
You never know where some people will go

What Happens When You See The Guy You Least Want To See When You Least Expect It

It's been 1.5 years since the eventful breakup when i called him and asked: "i was wondering if this means we have broken up?" One word answer: "YES" me:"ok thank you" Most epic phone conversation of my life. To think two and a half years of sweat and emotions would end that way. My anger has decreased over time. With the help of alpha alignment i'm now much calmer when thinking about him. I certify that time heals all wounds for it has been the case for me. but i still wasn't prepared to see him though so much time has passed. he's still blocked on my facebook and we've yet to contact each other. Call me petty but i'm not ready to be friends with him yet. So i was sitting at Starbucks talking on the phone and there i see him crossing the road towards me. I start swearing into the phone and look away so he wouldn't notice me. I'm not looking my best as i just finished a facial. He probably didn't recognise me. He walks down past me, further down the row of tables he sits down with this young girl. She looks sweet. And then as i'm observing them from the corner of my eye, hoping she's a client or colleague of his.. he gets up from the seat, bends over for a kiss as he gets up to order a drink. (i can almost feel my heart cringing as i'm typing this) I used to tell him that i wouldn't feel sad if he left me for an 'uglier' girl (obviously i was confident of myself). I saw a picture of his new girlfriend on facebook when they first changed their relationship status and didn't think she was much of a beauty. But seeing her in person, although from a distance, she's actually pretty and sweet looking. It hurt to see he had found another nice girl and chosen her over me, though i was secretly pleased to see he had put on weight. Lucky me ! haha Now, as i spend some time to reflect... i'll type that i have moved further on from that broken relationship and learnt even more about myself from this. Though we didn't even exchange glances.. i feel something has changed in the way i feel about him. I can now say that i'm slightly happy that he has found happiness or at least more happiness. I'm glad that we were part of each other's life. Thank you WY for all the wonderful memories. Without you, I would not be who I am today. Stronger, more self loving and knowing better what i want in a partner. I post this here as evidence that it is possible to forgive someone who hurt you and love again. It took me one and a half years to muster the courage to profess my thanks to the world through the internet. He may never see it, and I may never tell it to his face but i know i have taken another small step to opening my heart. I urge anyone who is angry or hurting over an ex to consider the possibility of getting past it all. The story of what he/she did to cause you pain. Imagine a life where it doesn't bother you anymore. Imagine a life free from carrying around that history. What would your life be like if you were happier? Would it be more fun and filled with adventure? You don't have to do it all now. Heck, I didn't. It took me one and a half years, baby steps all along the way. I'm not entirely there yet but i know i'm moving forward, surely.