I'm A Turtle

Turtles live long lives and have great wisdom !

I'm talking about the analogy used by Harville Hendrix & Helen LaKelly-Hunt at http://gettingtheloveyouwant.com/

The turtle and the hailstorm refers to the 2 different ways of dealing with conflict in a relationship. I believe that each party takes on one of the roles and instinctively reacts in a certain way, but can learn to be more balanced and exhibit the other qualities so that the couple can resolve disagreements better.

The turtle hides in the shell.
Silent. Pensieve. Alone. Avoids confrontation.

The hailstorm wants to be heard.
Speaks up. Expresses. Wants discussion.

I am the typical turtle. My instinctive reaction is to keep quiet, try to figure things out on my own, cry when i'm alone and wait till i figure out my emotions to have a discussion. I seldom meet conflict head on, choosing to avoid it and not kick up a fuss until I really have to. So i constantly have to be aware when I do this and consciously speak up with courage about how i'm actually feeling and why i feel this way.

I've learnt alot about communicating honestly during an argument since the breakup and I'm so proud of myself for being more confident and able to express myself.

Dating must knows: The 3 signs of attraction that he is really into you

aahh.. dating is a must for those after a breakup. if not to explore a rebound relationship, then to get a breath of fresh air out of staying cooped up for too long. Here are 3 signs of attraction that you will easily spot with a trained and mindful eye. They are important to find out if a guy is really into you so that you can figure out whether to keep him around till you're ready to enter a relationship or ditch him and run before things get too complicated.

I shard these in an article :

Sign of attraction # 1: Eye contact

A guy who is really into you makes eye contact during the date, preferably lots of it. Catch him looking at you and he might shift his attention elsewhere in embarrassment, but he won't be able to take his eyes off you for long. You might feel awkward at first if it feels like he's staring at you while you speak. However, it just shows that you have his focused attention.

Someone once said 'the nipples are the eyes of your chest'. If he is making eye contact with those eyes while you are speaking, he can't be very interested in what you are saying. Tell him off for being a pervert.

Sign of attraction # 2: He is a gentleman

A guy who is attracted to you will do what he can to try and get you to reciprocate his feelings. He acts like a gentleman to make you feel almost like a princess. He is eager to please and leave a good impression on your first date. He'll open doors for you, hold your seat and guide you through crowds by putting his hand on the small of your back. It is paying attention to the small details when he is with you that give his attraction away.

Sign of attraction # 3: Asks questions about you

A good sign is when he asks many questions about you. A guy who spends the whole night talking about himself wants you to know about how great he is so you can fan his ego. If he isn't interested, he won't make the effort to know you since he probably isn't planning on seeing you again. On the other hand, a guy who asks questions probably already likes what he sees and wants get to know you even better.

In this case, aim to continue chatting in a light tone and keep the topics fun. Don't get overly excited and start sharing your plans for the future. Talks of starting a family and kids can scare any guy away, no matter how fatally attracted he is to you.

Sueyan Lim Shuyan shares relationship advice for women. She helps women to love themselves more everyday and enjoy satisfying romantic relationships where their emotional needs are satisfied by her partner. Being a self loving woman means you act in harmony with your real desires and have the courage to make decisions that are right for you even if they feel uncomfortable and scary in the beginning. Loving yourself is a continuous journey of learning how to and practicing it. Click here to find out how you can love yourself more each day and connect with your true self.

She is the co-founder of www.prosperitysistersbeasyness.com where she and her sister help women to let their true selves shine in their romantic relationships. Learn how to express yourself courageously and be true to your feelings so that each day is filled with integrity. A fulfilling and joyful life is not a myth. It is what we are meant to live as the wonderful, beautiful women we are.

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how to leave him wanting more on a date

after a breakup, you're free to date !
date as many and as wide a variety as possible. no longer will you fish from the tiny pond you were trapped in. Now you have swum into the big sea where there are all sorts of fish, sharks and whales so go get your favourite seafood !

we all want the best for ourselves right ? and it might sound selfish to get a guy hooked first, then slowly let him go if he's not suitable, but this really is the smart way to look at dating. As sexy, beautiful, awesome women highly in demand, of course we need to leave ourselves with the best options and take our pick. WE are the ones in control. No longer will we just sit around hoping for a successful hot stud to fall in our laps, hopelessly in love.

here are 3 tips i wrote in an article to leave a man wanting more

#1: Laugh often

The point of going on a date is to have a good time. The courtship period should be full of fun and joy so keep the date lighthearted and playful. Save any serious discussions for when you decide to enter a committed relationship.

Loosen up and laugh at his jokes even if they aren't that funny. There's something men find charming about a woman who can find simple things amusing and laughable because it lets him know that you can find something positive in every situation. Laughing shows him that you are comfortable around him on the date and it puts him more at ease too. That attitude of ' I am comfortable in my own skin and I know how to have a good time' shows your confidence and that he can either take it or leave it.

#2: Have an opinion

Many women make the mistake of trying to please a guy by agreeing with everything he says. It might inflate his ego at the beginning but it gets boring to him over time. When he asks what you would like for dessert, pick something instead of saying you're fine with anything he decides. Having an opinion shows that you are independent and know what you want. Then you become much more interesting to him and he'll want to see more of you. If you stand up for what you believe and never compromise to be agreeable with everything he says, he will respect you more and put on his best behavior to please you.

#3: Hint that you reciprocate his feelings

A man who is interested in you wants to feel secure too. He will start to wonder if you are enjoying the date, how you feel towards him and whether you will agree to see him again. It's not a myth. If he is attracted to you, he will be thinking these things.

Men are likely to lose interest if the chase becomes too difficult and you don't respond favorably to their advances. One simple trick you can use is to lightly touch his hand or brush his arm. Don't overdo it like you're stroking a cat, just subtly sneak it in during a conversation. Another neat move is to lean in slightly while talking like you're about to tell him a secret, then go back to your original position. Use these sparingly during the date and it will always leave a man craving for more of your attention.

These are not ways to manipulate a man or unscrupulously fill his mind with thoughts of you. These tips help you to become the best woman you can be which in turn attracts him and keeps him wanting more. Show him your best side and never make him think of you as a clingy or needy burden for the future. By exhibiting the qualities of a fun, independent woman, he sees you as a desirable partner. Then he will become the man who will adore and care for you and keep the relationship romantic and satisfying.

Sueyan Lim Shuyan is the co-founder of www.prosperitysistersbeasyness.com where she and sister share relationship advice for young women. We help women to create fantastic love relationships where they can be true to themselves. Click here to learn how to be the best woman you can be and keep that man hooked. Discover your self worth, feel more confident and comfortable. When you exude sexiness without the need for external validation from a man to feel good, he will naturally be left wanting more.

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How to Turn Seeming Incompatibility Into Getting the Love You Want

Today, it was really nice to hear that disagreements and seeming incompatibility is NORMAL, HEALTHY and NATURE's DESIGN.

WOW

In fact, they make relationships more interesting, allow for growth, development and healing from childhood. A relationship built on resolving issues and helping both parties feel satisfied
is fulfilling and more lasting.

the myth: disagreement means unsuitability
I REALLY BELIEVED THIS !! (until now of course)

I used to have this fairytale dream. It really is a dream to have a partner that will agree with you on everything, anticipate your needs and just be very allowing and peaceful. Then i realised that silence in a relationship isn't fun and it doesn't allow growth for both of us an individuals and as a couple. I've been watching some shows about astrological signs and they mention about sagitarians being fickle minded, needing change and constantly wanting to do things in new ways. haha i find it very true.

I have grown to learn that disagreements and arguments make me feel very uncomfortable but really allow me (maybe even forces me) to face my 'shadow', learn and grow from it. They always talk about the 'fight or flight' response, but i'm predominantly a FLIGHT person. Any sign of discomfort and disagreement and i would think 'ok this shows we are not compatible, let's end it before things get worse and we both get more hurt'.

WOW i really like this phrase "conflict is growth trying to happen"

i have learnt so much more from the conflicts in the last 5 months compared to the peacefulness of 2.5 years. I have learnt to face conflict and communicate in better ways that lead to resolutions instead of hiding and running away.

Falling in love, and then feeling like it turned into a nightmare is NORMAL. Many couples are experiencing the same thing, so don't give up on your relationship just yet when you meet with disagreement. It may be uncomfortable but dealing with it together with the person you fell in love with will be very rewarding and builds a lasting love relationship.


thanks to
Harville Hendrix & Helen LaKelly-Hunt at http://gettingtheloveyouwant.com/ for confirming with me that conflict and disagreements are OK :)

How to Feel Good About Yourself Even When You Are Alone

How to Feel Good About Yourself Even When You Are Alone

By Lim Shuyan

You choose what you make out of every situation. Some girls feel undesirable when they are not in a relationship. They jump from one boyfriend to the next, looking for someone to validate their life and make them whole. Romantic relationships are a lot of fun, but being single can be one of the best times of your life because of the freedom it brings. Take this time alone to get in touch with who you really are and love yourself more so you can feel good every day even when you are alone.

Appreciate your freedom

The key is to appreciate your life as a beautiful single girl who has the freedom to do whatever she pleases and only focus on herself. This is when you have the time to discover and create who you are. Spend every moment doing things that make you feel good and joyful because life is meant to be lived that way.

I realized that when I was in a relationship, I wanted to spend all my time with my boyfriend and do things with him. It was like an addiction because I needed his affection and love to feel good about myself. It was only after we broke up that I realized I didn't need a man in order to feel like the wonderful person I am. If I appreciate being alive and feel good about myself, I would make the process of feeling loved less complicated. I have found that love that comes from within has been a more consistent source of love for myself anyway.

Follow your heart

When you are not in a relationship, there is the freedom to do whatever you desire that makes you happy. There is no need to ask for your partner's opinion if you are interested in learning something new, joining a club or going on a holiday. It's the best opportunity to follow your heart and do whatever catches your fancy. Make your decisions with the only criteria that it makes you feel good. This is the time dedicated to really connect with yourself and understand who you are, what you like or dislike.

It is so satisfying to learn something that you've always wanted to, get good at it and then show off to the people around you. Or you could take a trip and then share your experiences. I always feel good about myself when I have fun and interesting new experiences and stories to share.

I had always wondered what it was like to be a fashion blogger, but I never gave myself time to explore it while I was in a relationship. I made the mistake of valuing time spent with him over pursuing my own interests. So when I was single again, I experimented with make up techniques, different outfits and did my own photo shoots. It was a lot of fun to get dolled up and look pretty everyday. The time and effort I used to create different looks took my mind off being alone and built up my confidence and self trust. It felt really good to do something that was dedicated to myself because it was what my heart was telling me to.

Love from family and friends

Instead of feeling lousy for not being in a relationship, remember that there is a lot of love to be received from friends and family. I rediscovered how these forms of love are equally important as they helped me to see how much I deserved to be loved, even without a man in my life. Family will always be there for you with their unconditional love and true friends are always willing to lend a listening ear even if you have lost contact over time.

Ultimately, we all need to learn to love ourselves before we can fully contribute to a satisfying relationship. If you don't know how to make decisions and act in ways that are good for yourself, you will keep attracting the same unpleasant experiences with different people. Know that you don't need validation from a man to feel good about yourself and the better you are at loving yourself when you are alone, the easier it will be to attract and maintain a loving relationship. I know that it may not be easy in the beginning to feel good enough without a man, but loving yourself is an ongoing process that really pays off in the long run.

Sueyan Lim Shuyan shares about how to be a self loving woman and improve your relationships. Every woman is beautiful and deserves to be loved fully in a relationship where the man adores her. When you know how to love yourself, you are proud and unapologetic for who you really are. Being able to feel good without a man means taking your happiness into your own hands. Click here to rediscover the relationship with yourself today so you can feel joyful no matter what your external circumstances.

She is the co-founder of www.prosperitysistersbeasyness.com where she and her sister share relationship advice for young women. We all need to make the continuous decision of loving ourselves first and placing our joy above all others. Living a joyful life is not a myth. Join the thousands of women who are loving themselves more and more each day.

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