What It Really Means When Your Boyfriend Is a Workaholic and Doesn't Spend Enough Time With You
By Lim Shuyan
Are work commitments keeping him from spending more time with you? You hardly see him and are starting to feel neglected but he says he's eager to get a promotion and earn more money for your future together. Find out what it means for you when he is sacrificing time to maintain the relationship and what you can do to feel better.
Spending Quality Time Together Is Important
Maintaining relationships take time and effort. If couples don't spend time together, share experiences and update each other on their daily activities, they can drift apart and feel distant from each other. Both parties need to put in effort to stay involved with each others' lives.
But what if he says he's doing it for your future together? He wants a promotion and has been doing whatever it takes to stand out and get the boss's attention. He's busy volunteering for extra work, trying to help everyone and even taking on extra responsibilities like planning company functions. What does it mean when you're feeling neglected but he says it's all for your future together.
While these are all valid reasons, it signifies that his priorities in life have shifted. It doesn't mean that he no longer wants to be in the relationship, only that his main priority is now to get ahead in his career. That is why he would rather spend significantly more of his time, or all of his time at work instead of spending it with you.
Men are simple creatures in that they will spend more time with whatever is important to them. If he is neglecting you because of work, then he obviously finds his work more important than you.
What Can You Do About It?
The first step to improve this situation is to be aware of what you want and need in the relationship. Assess the time commitment you need from him. It can help determine if you are the one with unrealistic expectations of him or if he is the one not putting in enough effort to maintain the relationship.
You need to ask for what you want out of the relationship. Understand your needs and make them known to him. The biggest mistake women make is to put up with being unsatisfied in the relationship when he doesn't spend as much time with you as you want.
Let him know your dissatisfaction in a calm manner and express solely how you feel about it without putting the focus on his actions. Try not to put the blame on him by saying 'You never have time for me'. Instead, express how it makes you feel by saying 'I feel neglected when you don't make time for me and it makes me feel unappreciated in your life'.
If he is unwilling to make changes and spend more time together, then you need to decide on a course of action. You might have a long history with him or an idealized image of your future together. But what really matters is in the present moment.
Make a New Decision
Are you going to continue putting up with his behaviour and change your expectations of him? Or do you deserve to be with someone who can give you what you want?
Do what is best for yourself in the current situation. Understand that it is normal for people to change and have new priorities. Relationships do change over time if both parties don't make constant effort to spend quality time together. Know what is important for you in a relationship and make sure your needs are being met.
When I was in this situation, my self esteem took a big blow. I was only seeing him for one hour a week and really wondering whether we were still in a relationship. We were spending so little time together, it almost felt like he had broken up with me using his actions. Then I realised that I didn't need to keep feeling lousy because of him. If he could change priorities, then so could I. I decided to make my happiness the most important thing to me. I could no longer be in a relationship with a guy who doesn't make me an important part of his life.
Sueyan Lim Shuyan is the co-founder of www.prosperitysistersbeasyness.com where she and her sister share relationship advice for young women. She is an expert on how to be a self loving woman who does what is right for herself to feel good in the present moment. Learn how be in a relationship that allows you to be true to yourself.
Click here to find out how you can feel more confident about yourself instead of needing to be in a relationship to feel validated. It is not true that being in a lousy relationship is better than not being in a relationship at all. You are good enough for him to want to spend more time with you. Don't let his actions make you think otherwise.
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