I'm A Turtle

Turtles live long lives and have great wisdom !

I'm talking about the analogy used by Harville Hendrix & Helen LaKelly-Hunt at http://gettingtheloveyouwant.com/

The turtle and the hailstorm refers to the 2 different ways of dealing with conflict in a relationship. I believe that each party takes on one of the roles and instinctively reacts in a certain way, but can learn to be more balanced and exhibit the other qualities so that the couple can resolve disagreements better.

The turtle hides in the shell.
Silent. Pensieve. Alone. Avoids confrontation.

The hailstorm wants to be heard.
Speaks up. Expresses. Wants discussion.

I am the typical turtle. My instinctive reaction is to keep quiet, try to figure things out on my own, cry when i'm alone and wait till i figure out my emotions to have a discussion. I seldom meet conflict head on, choosing to avoid it and not kick up a fuss until I really have to. So i constantly have to be aware when I do this and consciously speak up with courage about how i'm actually feeling and why i feel this way.

I've learnt alot about communicating honestly during an argument since the breakup and I'm so proud of myself for being more confident and able to express myself.

Dating must knows: The 3 signs of attraction that he is really into you

aahh.. dating is a must for those after a breakup. if not to explore a rebound relationship, then to get a breath of fresh air out of staying cooped up for too long. Here are 3 signs of attraction that you will easily spot with a trained and mindful eye. They are important to find out if a guy is really into you so that you can figure out whether to keep him around till you're ready to enter a relationship or ditch him and run before things get too complicated.

I shard these in an article :

Sign of attraction # 1: Eye contact

A guy who is really into you makes eye contact during the date, preferably lots of it. Catch him looking at you and he might shift his attention elsewhere in embarrassment, but he won't be able to take his eyes off you for long. You might feel awkward at first if it feels like he's staring at you while you speak. However, it just shows that you have his focused attention.

Someone once said 'the nipples are the eyes of your chest'. If he is making eye contact with those eyes while you are speaking, he can't be very interested in what you are saying. Tell him off for being a pervert.

Sign of attraction # 2: He is a gentleman

A guy who is attracted to you will do what he can to try and get you to reciprocate his feelings. He acts like a gentleman to make you feel almost like a princess. He is eager to please and leave a good impression on your first date. He'll open doors for you, hold your seat and guide you through crowds by putting his hand on the small of your back. It is paying attention to the small details when he is with you that give his attraction away.

Sign of attraction # 3: Asks questions about you

A good sign is when he asks many questions about you. A guy who spends the whole night talking about himself wants you to know about how great he is so you can fan his ego. If he isn't interested, he won't make the effort to know you since he probably isn't planning on seeing you again. On the other hand, a guy who asks questions probably already likes what he sees and wants get to know you even better.

In this case, aim to continue chatting in a light tone and keep the topics fun. Don't get overly excited and start sharing your plans for the future. Talks of starting a family and kids can scare any guy away, no matter how fatally attracted he is to you.

Sueyan Lim Shuyan shares relationship advice for women. She helps women to love themselves more everyday and enjoy satisfying romantic relationships where their emotional needs are satisfied by her partner. Being a self loving woman means you act in harmony with your real desires and have the courage to make decisions that are right for you even if they feel uncomfortable and scary in the beginning. Loving yourself is a continuous journey of learning how to and practicing it. Click here to find out how you can love yourself more each day and connect with your true self.

She is the co-founder of www.prosperitysistersbeasyness.com where she and her sister help women to let their true selves shine in their romantic relationships. Learn how to express yourself courageously and be true to your feelings so that each day is filled with integrity. A fulfilling and joyful life is not a myth. It is what we are meant to live as the wonderful, beautiful women we are.

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how to leave him wanting more on a date

after a breakup, you're free to date !
date as many and as wide a variety as possible. no longer will you fish from the tiny pond you were trapped in. Now you have swum into the big sea where there are all sorts of fish, sharks and whales so go get your favourite seafood !

we all want the best for ourselves right ? and it might sound selfish to get a guy hooked first, then slowly let him go if he's not suitable, but this really is the smart way to look at dating. As sexy, beautiful, awesome women highly in demand, of course we need to leave ourselves with the best options and take our pick. WE are the ones in control. No longer will we just sit around hoping for a successful hot stud to fall in our laps, hopelessly in love.

here are 3 tips i wrote in an article to leave a man wanting more

#1: Laugh often

The point of going on a date is to have a good time. The courtship period should be full of fun and joy so keep the date lighthearted and playful. Save any serious discussions for when you decide to enter a committed relationship.

Loosen up and laugh at his jokes even if they aren't that funny. There's something men find charming about a woman who can find simple things amusing and laughable because it lets him know that you can find something positive in every situation. Laughing shows him that you are comfortable around him on the date and it puts him more at ease too. That attitude of ' I am comfortable in my own skin and I know how to have a good time' shows your confidence and that he can either take it or leave it.

#2: Have an opinion

Many women make the mistake of trying to please a guy by agreeing with everything he says. It might inflate his ego at the beginning but it gets boring to him over time. When he asks what you would like for dessert, pick something instead of saying you're fine with anything he decides. Having an opinion shows that you are independent and know what you want. Then you become much more interesting to him and he'll want to see more of you. If you stand up for what you believe and never compromise to be agreeable with everything he says, he will respect you more and put on his best behavior to please you.

#3: Hint that you reciprocate his feelings

A man who is interested in you wants to feel secure too. He will start to wonder if you are enjoying the date, how you feel towards him and whether you will agree to see him again. It's not a myth. If he is attracted to you, he will be thinking these things.

Men are likely to lose interest if the chase becomes too difficult and you don't respond favorably to their advances. One simple trick you can use is to lightly touch his hand or brush his arm. Don't overdo it like you're stroking a cat, just subtly sneak it in during a conversation. Another neat move is to lean in slightly while talking like you're about to tell him a secret, then go back to your original position. Use these sparingly during the date and it will always leave a man craving for more of your attention.

These are not ways to manipulate a man or unscrupulously fill his mind with thoughts of you. These tips help you to become the best woman you can be which in turn attracts him and keeps him wanting more. Show him your best side and never make him think of you as a clingy or needy burden for the future. By exhibiting the qualities of a fun, independent woman, he sees you as a desirable partner. Then he will become the man who will adore and care for you and keep the relationship romantic and satisfying.

Sueyan Lim Shuyan is the co-founder of www.prosperitysistersbeasyness.com where she and sister share relationship advice for young women. We help women to create fantastic love relationships where they can be true to themselves. Click here to learn how to be the best woman you can be and keep that man hooked. Discover your self worth, feel more confident and comfortable. When you exude sexiness without the need for external validation from a man to feel good, he will naturally be left wanting more.

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How to Turn Seeming Incompatibility Into Getting the Love You Want

Today, it was really nice to hear that disagreements and seeming incompatibility is NORMAL, HEALTHY and NATURE's DESIGN.

WOW

In fact, they make relationships more interesting, allow for growth, development and healing from childhood. A relationship built on resolving issues and helping both parties feel satisfied
is fulfilling and more lasting.

the myth: disagreement means unsuitability
I REALLY BELIEVED THIS !! (until now of course)

I used to have this fairytale dream. It really is a dream to have a partner that will agree with you on everything, anticipate your needs and just be very allowing and peaceful. Then i realised that silence in a relationship isn't fun and it doesn't allow growth for both of us an individuals and as a couple. I've been watching some shows about astrological signs and they mention about sagitarians being fickle minded, needing change and constantly wanting to do things in new ways. haha i find it very true.

I have grown to learn that disagreements and arguments make me feel very uncomfortable but really allow me (maybe even forces me) to face my 'shadow', learn and grow from it. They always talk about the 'fight or flight' response, but i'm predominantly a FLIGHT person. Any sign of discomfort and disagreement and i would think 'ok this shows we are not compatible, let's end it before things get worse and we both get more hurt'.

WOW i really like this phrase "conflict is growth trying to happen"

i have learnt so much more from the conflicts in the last 5 months compared to the peacefulness of 2.5 years. I have learnt to face conflict and communicate in better ways that lead to resolutions instead of hiding and running away.

Falling in love, and then feeling like it turned into a nightmare is NORMAL. Many couples are experiencing the same thing, so don't give up on your relationship just yet when you meet with disagreement. It may be uncomfortable but dealing with it together with the person you fell in love with will be very rewarding and builds a lasting love relationship.


thanks to
Harville Hendrix & Helen LaKelly-Hunt at http://gettingtheloveyouwant.com/ for confirming with me that conflict and disagreements are OK :)

How to Feel Good About Yourself Even When You Are Alone

How to Feel Good About Yourself Even When You Are Alone

By Lim Shuyan

You choose what you make out of every situation. Some girls feel undesirable when they are not in a relationship. They jump from one boyfriend to the next, looking for someone to validate their life and make them whole. Romantic relationships are a lot of fun, but being single can be one of the best times of your life because of the freedom it brings. Take this time alone to get in touch with who you really are and love yourself more so you can feel good every day even when you are alone.

Appreciate your freedom

The key is to appreciate your life as a beautiful single girl who has the freedom to do whatever she pleases and only focus on herself. This is when you have the time to discover and create who you are. Spend every moment doing things that make you feel good and joyful because life is meant to be lived that way.

I realized that when I was in a relationship, I wanted to spend all my time with my boyfriend and do things with him. It was like an addiction because I needed his affection and love to feel good about myself. It was only after we broke up that I realized I didn't need a man in order to feel like the wonderful person I am. If I appreciate being alive and feel good about myself, I would make the process of feeling loved less complicated. I have found that love that comes from within has been a more consistent source of love for myself anyway.

Follow your heart

When you are not in a relationship, there is the freedom to do whatever you desire that makes you happy. There is no need to ask for your partner's opinion if you are interested in learning something new, joining a club or going on a holiday. It's the best opportunity to follow your heart and do whatever catches your fancy. Make your decisions with the only criteria that it makes you feel good. This is the time dedicated to really connect with yourself and understand who you are, what you like or dislike.

It is so satisfying to learn something that you've always wanted to, get good at it and then show off to the people around you. Or you could take a trip and then share your experiences. I always feel good about myself when I have fun and interesting new experiences and stories to share.

I had always wondered what it was like to be a fashion blogger, but I never gave myself time to explore it while I was in a relationship. I made the mistake of valuing time spent with him over pursuing my own interests. So when I was single again, I experimented with make up techniques, different outfits and did my own photo shoots. It was a lot of fun to get dolled up and look pretty everyday. The time and effort I used to create different looks took my mind off being alone and built up my confidence and self trust. It felt really good to do something that was dedicated to myself because it was what my heart was telling me to.

Love from family and friends

Instead of feeling lousy for not being in a relationship, remember that there is a lot of love to be received from friends and family. I rediscovered how these forms of love are equally important as they helped me to see how much I deserved to be loved, even without a man in my life. Family will always be there for you with their unconditional love and true friends are always willing to lend a listening ear even if you have lost contact over time.

Ultimately, we all need to learn to love ourselves before we can fully contribute to a satisfying relationship. If you don't know how to make decisions and act in ways that are good for yourself, you will keep attracting the same unpleasant experiences with different people. Know that you don't need validation from a man to feel good about yourself and the better you are at loving yourself when you are alone, the easier it will be to attract and maintain a loving relationship. I know that it may not be easy in the beginning to feel good enough without a man, but loving yourself is an ongoing process that really pays off in the long run.

Sueyan Lim Shuyan shares about how to be a self loving woman and improve your relationships. Every woman is beautiful and deserves to be loved fully in a relationship where the man adores her. When you know how to love yourself, you are proud and unapologetic for who you really are. Being able to feel good without a man means taking your happiness into your own hands. Click here to rediscover the relationship with yourself today so you can feel joyful no matter what your external circumstances.

She is the co-founder of www.prosperitysistersbeasyness.com where she and her sister share relationship advice for young women. We all need to make the continuous decision of loving ourselves first and placing our joy above all others. Living a joyful life is not a myth. Join the thousands of women who are loving themselves more and more each day.

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What It Really Means When Your Boyfriend Is a Workaholic and Doesn't Spend Enough Time With You

this article i wrote is really apt for what i should have known before it happened to me....

What It Really Means When Your Boyfriend Is a Workaholic and Doesn't Spend Enough Time With You

By Lim Shuyan

Are work commitments keeping him from spending more time with you? You hardly see him and are starting to feel neglected but he says he's eager to get a promotion and earn more money for your future together. Find out what it means for you when he is sacrificing time to maintain the relationship and what you can do to feel better.

Spending Quality Time Together Is Important

Maintaining relationships take time and effort. If couples don't spend time together, share experiences and update each other on their daily activities, they can drift apart and feel distant from each other. Both parties need to put in effort to stay involved with each others' lives.

But what if he says he's doing it for your future together? He wants a promotion and has been doing whatever it takes to stand out and get the boss's attention. He's busy volunteering for extra work, trying to help everyone and even taking on extra responsibilities like planning company functions. What does it mean when you're feeling neglected but he says it's all for your future together.

While these are all valid reasons, it signifies that his priorities in life have shifted. It doesn't mean that he no longer wants to be in the relationship, only that his main priority is now to get ahead in his career. That is why he would rather spend significantly more of his time, or all of his time at work instead of spending it with you.

Men are simple creatures in that they will spend more time with whatever is important to them. If he is neglecting you because of work, then he obviously finds his work more important than you.

What Can You Do About It?

The first step to improve this situation is to be aware of what you want and need in the relationship. Assess the time commitment you need from him. It can help determine if you are the one with unrealistic expectations of him or if he is the one not putting in enough effort to maintain the relationship.

You need to ask for what you want out of the relationship. Understand your needs and make them known to him. The biggest mistake women make is to put up with being unsatisfied in the relationship when he doesn't spend as much time with you as you want.

Let him know your dissatisfaction in a calm manner and express solely how you feel about it without putting the focus on his actions. Try not to put the blame on him by saying 'You never have time for me'. Instead, express how it makes you feel by saying 'I feel neglected when you don't make time for me and it makes me feel unappreciated in your life'.

If he is unwilling to make changes and spend more time together, then you need to decide on a course of action. You might have a long history with him or an idealized image of your future together. But what really matters is in the present moment.

Make a New Decision

Are you going to continue putting up with his behaviour and change your expectations of him? Or do you deserve to be with someone who can give you what you want?

Do what is best for yourself in the current situation. Understand that it is normal for people to change and have new priorities. Relationships do change over time if both parties don't make constant effort to spend quality time together. Know what is important for you in a relationship and make sure your needs are being met.

When I was in this situation, my self esteem took a big blow. I was only seeing him for one hour a week and really wondering whether we were still in a relationship. We were spending so little time together, it almost felt like he had broken up with me using his actions. Then I realised that I didn't need to keep feeling lousy because of him. If he could change priorities, then so could I. I decided to make my happiness the most important thing to me. I could no longer be in a relationship with a guy who doesn't make me an important part of his life.

Sueyan Lim Shuyan is the co-founder of www.prosperitysistersbeasyness.com where she and her sister share relationship advice for young women. She is an expert on how to be a self loving woman who does what is right for herself to feel good in the present moment. Learn how be in a relationship that allows you to be true to yourself.

Click here to find out how you can feel more confident about yourself instead of needing to be in a relationship to feel validated. It is not true that being in a lousy relationship is better than not being in a relationship at all. You are good enough for him to want to spend more time with you. Don't let his actions make you think otherwise.

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What i regret from the breakup

This memory appeared out of the blue. But i started to get angry at myself for agreeing to one last hug as he dropped me off. I regret not having the dignity to say 'no'. I'm not even sure now what is the right thing to do. On one hand, that last hug gave me cloaure not to see him again but a part of me wishes that i had refused to give in to his request. Give him a taste of not getting what he wants.

Nobody gave us guidelines on how to break up. No one said what should or shouldn't happen. Whether to cry, shout or laugh. There really are no rules. Its only in retrospect that i regret giving him a last goodbye hug. He doesn't deserve me if he doesn't want to be with me. I should't even have any physical contact with him after we had broke up. Yet, i can't be certain that i would do it differently if i had to go through it again.

What do u think about last goodbye hugs ?
Yes or no?

Signs that a guy is really into you

How to Tell If a Guy Is Really Into You - Signs He Likes You

By Lim Shuyan

You probably have a guy on your mind. You really like him and would like to find out if he is really into you too. Here are 2 definite signs a guy will display when he really likes you. When guys know what they want, they will do whatever it takes to get it. So don't settle for anything less than what you deserve if he isn't asking you out or calling because you deserve to be treated like the princess that you are.

Sign #1: He asks you out

If a guy is into you, he wants to spend time alone with you. He can't get enough of you and wants to know everything about you and understand who you are inside. Going out on a date gives him the opportunity to impress you and interact with you more intimately. When he is really into you, he will ask you out and find a way to impress you no matter what his budget is.

Sign #2: He calls you

When a guy is really into you, you are on his mind and he will call to try and make sure he is on yours too. In the beginning, he may try to act cool and withhold contact for a few days at a time so he doesn't appear desperate. But, over time, he will call more often, even if just to say hello and that he misses you. He won't be able to resist and withhold contacting you.

Busy is never a good excuse. Men are never too busy to get what they want. A man knows how to use the phone, so he will call if you are on his mind. A man who is really into you would call no matter how busy he is because listening to your voice will be the thing that brightens up his busy day.

It will be obvious when a guy is really into you

When a man is really into you, it will be clear and obvious. Men express their interest through actions and will display these signals if he is serious about you. You shouldn't have to spend time figuring out his actions, or get upset that he's sending mixed signals.

Sounds too good to be true?

A guy may not be able to explain why he is into a woman and wants to spend his time with her. But when he knows what he wants, he will go all out to get it and make it his. If he is really into you, he will want to lay claim and have you all to himself. He will make it obvious that he wants to be the only guy in your life. He asks you out so you are spending time with him and not any other guy. He calls to let you know he misses you and so that he will constantly be on your mind instead of anyone else. Men are simple in that way that they show their interest through their actions.

What should you do if he doesn't display these signals?

A man should make you feel wanted, sexy and desired fully. He should want to call you and go out with you because every time he sees you and hears your voice, he likes and then loves you more and more. Unconditional love is good, just make sure you give it after your conditions have been met.

Set a time limit and if he doesn't buck up by then, go and find another one who is really into you. You deserve to be treated like the beautiful, intelligent and wonderful woman that you are. Don't scheme, plot or beg for him to ask you out. Don't flood his voice mail or call him at regular intervals until he picks up. When a guy is into you, he will show it. Have self love and the dignity to prove that you are worthy of being treated well by not settling for a man who doesn't display the signs that he is into you.

Sueyan Lim Shuyan shares relationship advice for young women. She is the co-founder of www.prosperitysistersbeasyness.com where she and her sister help women to love themselves more everyday. By discovering self worth and being true to themselves, women can feel more confident and comfortable with themselves. They feel sexy with or without a man because they don't need external validations to feel good. Click here to find out how you can learn to be a more self loving woman who has a great romantic relationship. No longer settle for men who don't display that he is really into you.

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How to Build Your Self Confidence - Positive Affirmations for Women

How to Build Your Self Confidence - Positive Affirmations for Women

By Lim Shuyan

Women love to feel good and be appreciated for who they are. You know the feeling when your boss praises you for doing a good job, or when a man adores you for looking good. Fundamentally, we all want to feel good about ourselves. But what about those incidences when we've been hurt? When someone passed a hurtful comment, or we failed at something? Those are the times when negative thoughts and beliefs about ourselves may have been formed. Lets explore how you can use positive affirmations to build self confidence. You can use these affirmations to feel more secure about yourself and feel good from within.

What are some positive affirmations for women?

• I love being a woman
• I love my body
• I rejoice in my femaleness
• My body is doing the best it can now

If love feels like a word that is too strong for now, use the word appreciate or enjoy. You may not feel like you can love your body yet, but starting to appreciate it is a good start.

Appearances affect your self confidence

A woman's appearance can really affect her confidence level. The media bombards us with images of what is 'perfect' and then we inadvertently compare ourselves with that. If we believe what they show us is the only form of being beautiful, and we look different from that, then we may start to form certain negative views about the way we look. Over time, negative thoughts and beliefs about ourselves limit us and create fear in our lives. We start to become fearful of being who we really are inside.

How can positive affirmations help?

Positive affirmations help to improve your self image by changing the way you look and think about your appearance. The fundamental basis of using positive affirmations is that we create our thoughts and beliefs in life. These thoughts and beliefs then shape our responses to anything that happens. We need to understand that events in themselves have no meaning, only the interpretations we give to it. So if we have chosen hurtful thoughts such as 'I am ugly' in the past, we can just as easily choose to change them into 'I am beautiful'.

I used to have an unrealistic ideal of looking like Kate Moss when in fact, I may never reach that goal. Comparing myself to super models, celebrities and even prettier girls in school, I felt that I was ugly and undesirable. It was worse when people remarked about my looks and unconsciously scarred me even more. It made me fearful to express myself.

Positive affirmations help change your negative thought patterns and habitual responses into more positive and self loving ones. The key is to notice when a negative thought comes up. Ask yourself if the thought makes you feel good. If it doesn't, choose a better one by turning it around.

What if it's not working?

Sometimes, you strongly believe and identify with thoughts and ideas that you have held on to for a long time. While those thoughts may have served you in the past, you can let them go and choose new ones that nourish you. You are an amazing individual with intelligence, beauty and wisdom. Seek to find confidence from within by believing in yourself and trusting that you are worthy and beautiful.

Sueyan Lim Shuyan has been working with positive affirmations for 5 years. She shares her wisdom on changing habitual thought patterns and responses into self loving ones. Loving yourself and letting your true self shine is an ongoing choice to do so. Click here to find out more ways you can positively encourage yourself to feel like the worthy and deserving individual you are.

Let me share with you how to let your true self shine no matter what anyone says. My sister and I help individuals love themselves more and more at our website www.prosperitysistersbeasyness.com

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Time Heals All Wounds But Never Erases History

You can't change history. No matter how much you pine and whine for him to come back, a breakup is still a breakup. Even if you have healed and the hurt has gone away, or you still can't bear to face him, nothing will change the fact that this person was part of your past. You shared intimate moments with each other, bared your soul and had many memories together during the x amount of time you were in the relationship.

It might be good at the time to maintain distance between each other so that you can appropriately deal with no longer being in a relationship together. But to swing from being so loving, to totally axe contact with him forever must be a painful thing.

Taking a more simplistic view, a breakup is like losing contact with a really close friend. Maybe he hurt you, tore your life apart and you wish so much to forget he ever existed and betrayed you because you could never forgive him. But just like a long lost friend, he will never be truly deleted from your life. Those memories, good or bad have left footprints in your life. They led you to where you are today, grown from those experiences and become tougher and stronger.

As much as I would like to pretend I never was in a relationship with him, I cannot deny that I learnt a lot about myself through that breakup. Those lessons would never have be taught to me if it didn't happen. So, while I still don't want to face him yet, I hope that one day I will no longer be scarred by the memories and hurt. That i will be able to have a decent conversation without being overwhelmed by anger of deceit and mistrust, but instead appreciation and gratitude for how far i have come since that breakup.

Time heals all wounds but never erases history. I want to be able to see him as a friend and an equal instead of someone to fear and block out because cutting out someone from your life can be a painful situation. Even just on a subconscious level, I know my mind works hard to try and remove him from ever being in my life. I look forward to the day when this is no longer the case.

I hope that you too will strive to be back on talking terms with your ex if it has been too painful to maintain contact until now. One day, you will decide to stop hurting yourself by cutting him out of your life. I just feel that it is nicer to treat someone like a friend than an enemy (no matter how detestable).

Why You Should Look Your Best After a Breakup, Even If You Don't Feel Like It

Why You Should Look Your Best After a Breakup, Even If You Don't Feel Like It

By Lim Shuyan

Imagine the satisfaction of walking up to your ex-boyfriend and he can hardly say hello because you look so good, almost better than you did when you were still dating each other. And then you might be familiar with the feeling of being seen by him in your pyjamas while carrying a bag of comfort foods like potato chips and ice cream from the supermarket. Now, which of those two scenarios would you prefer to be in? The one with you looking gorgeous, or the one with you looking like you let yourself go?

Hopefully, similar to me, you would prefer to bump into him looking like a stunning beauty.

Looking your best means wearing clothes that make you feel good and attractive. There can be some level of comfort, but no pyjamas or crumpled clothes allowed. It is easy to sink into self-pity mode and mope around all day doing nothing. However, you want to make sure you always have clean clothes and underwear for any occasion. Doing your laundry to make sure you have that flattering dress handy can turn into a pleasant activity. You will be surprised that the most mundane things like ironing and folding clothes can sometimes be just what you need for quieting your mind and gaining clarity over the breakup situation.

Make the effort to schedule that manicure or bikini wax that you let yourself skip because it can take your mind off analyzing the breakup. At these places, you are unlikely to bump into your ex-boyfriend so you can relax in peace. You will also enjoy the fresh air once you get out of your apartment. Better yet, invite a friend to go along because company and support are essential after a breakup.

One obvious reason you might think of for looking good after a breakup is to make him regret ever leaving you when he sees how amazing you look. In fact, making the effort to look your best after a breakup is essentially an act of self love. It shows that you are the most important person in your life by focusing on your relationship with YOU. This is the best way for self loving girls like yourself to heal your wounds, care for yourself and feel good again. Do it because you are a worthy and beautiful individual even if after a breakup, not to get back at him. You want to build your relationship with yourself and regain that confidence and self esteem.

The trick to achieving the desired effect of looking your best after a breakup, even if you don't feel like it, is to fake it till you make it. You don't have to take drastic measures of putting on a stunning dress, high heels, styled hair and full makeup. The key is to make some effort to look presentable. Don't ditch those sweatpants if you don't feel like it, but pair it with a fitting top instead of that baggy oversized tee shirt. It will turn you from lazy couch potato into sexy exercise girl. Then top it off with a basic eye liner, mascara, light blusher and a sheer lip gloss to finish. This is an easy formula that takes less than five minutes to accomplish but will make you look brighter and fresher no matter how you feel.

In conclusion, make the effort to look your best after a breakup. It not only makes you look good and feel confident if you happen to bump into that ex-boyfriend, but also rebuilds your relationship with yourself. It is important to get in touch with who you are again as an individual after a breakup. The self loving, beautiful, amazing individual that you.

Sueyan Lim Shuyan shares advice on dealing with your breakup and rediscovering yourself as a powerful individual. Reconnecting with who you are in a mental, physical and spiritual process. Visit http://www.prosperitysistersbeasyness.com now to find out more about building the relationship with yourself and letting your true self shine through positive self encouragement.
Go to my blog http://bunnybreakup.blogspot.com for more tips on dealing with your breakup today.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Lim_Shuyan


http://EzineArticles.com/?Why-You-Should-Look-Your-Best-After-a-Breakup,-Even-If-You-Dont-Feel-Like-It&id=6631520

What To Do When You Fear Seeing Your Ex At A Night Club - 3 Reasons Why You Should Let Your Pals Know About It

Heading out to a night club even though you don't feel like it, but go anyway because your pals have dragged you to dress up and get out in attempt to make you feel better?

A good support system made up of friends and family are essential during your recovery from a breakup. In attempt to get you out of the house and help you feel better, They may Especially when you are out with your pals to a nightclub, it is important to let them know of your fear so they can help you. Friends sometimes need reminders of your needs especially on a night out when they are almost totally focused on having maximum fun.

What To Do When You Fear Bumping Into Your Ex - 3 Reasons Why You Should Tell Your Friends About It

What To Do When You Fear Bumping Into Your Ex - 3 Reasons Why You Should Tell Your Friends About It
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Lim_Shuyan]Lim Shuyan

Well meaning friends often find all reasons to get you out of the house during your recovery phase. You may reluctantly agree to go along with their plans and find yourself at a nightclub in attempt to dance your sadness away. But who would expect that you now have a fear of bumping into him because the crowd looks like he could be there? You look around cautiously, unable to have a good time. What do you do? Do you try to deal with it yourself for fear of spoiling your friends' night of fun? Let me share with you 3 reasons why you should get their help.

There may be many reasons for your fear of seeing him. Sometimes I am self conscious, feeling that I don't look my absolute fabulous self because I wore my only clean pressed outfit and it may not be the most flattering piece in my closet. Other times I just don't feel ready to face him in a calm and composed manner without bursting into tears or screaming at him in anger.

The best way to overcome your fear of something is to get prepared. Those who fear the dark prepare themselves with flashlights. When you fear seeing your ex, you prepare an action plan for what to do. Good friends will do their best to help you, offering support and encouragement during this trying time. So get your friends who are out with you on this plan, or get their help in devising a strategy.

Reason #1: Your friends may be focused on having a good time and are unaware that you can do with more support.

The best person to take care of you, is YOU. Don't expect others to look out for your needs because over-reliance never leaves a good taste on the tongue. Even if your friends have your best intentions, they will not be able to know what you need 100% of the time. Being aware that you need some support and asking for it is a powerful way to rebuild the connection with yourself. Let go of all fear that you will be ruining their enjoyment because of your needs. Your friends are not mind readers and should not be treated as such. Be the one to voice out what you need from them and they will be more than willing to help you in any way.

Reason #2: Friends offer insightful advice and encouragement on how to overcome your fear.

Viewing your situation as a third party, your friends often see how well you've been coping with the breakup and your efforts to rebuild your life as a single. They can offer a different perspective when you are beating yourself up about not looking or feeling more confident. This way, you start to see yourself in a more positive light and acknowledge how well you are doing. This increases your confidence to go out there and face your demons if needed. See yourself the way your friends see you, as an amazing, wonderful, strong and resilient person handling a breakup.

Reason #3: They will know how you want them to help you.

Different people handle situations differently. In the scenario of meeting him at the nightclub, three different people may react in three different ways. One may run away, another may stay to chat and catch up, the last one might quickly say hi and leave confidently. The key is to decide which of the actions most suit your ability to handle the encounter. Then decide if you would like your friend to be around to give you moral support, pull you away, or prevent you from talking to him in the first place. Letting your friends know what to do prevents the situation where you blame them for doing the 'wrong' thing.

In conclusion, it can be beneficial to let the friends who are out with you know of your fear. This gives them to opportunity to be good friends and help support you in ways that you need to be supported. Being aware of your feelings and fears and asking for help when needed is important during this time of rebuilding the connection with yourself. They can offer insightful and more encouraging views of how well you are coping so that you feel more confident during the night. Lastly, letting them know what you would like them to do makes it easier for everyone to help you through and prevents blaming.

Sueyan Lim Shuyan shares advice on getting through a breakup and rediscovering yourself as a powerful individual. Reconnecting with yourself, mind body and spirit is a process. Although change can be painful, it also can bring about positive transformation in your life. For more tips on dealing with your breakup, go to my blog at [http://bunnybreakup.blogspot.com/]http://bunnybreakup.blogspot.com.

It is important to acknowledge that you are coping well and to continue encouraging yourself. Go to http://www.prosperitysistersbeasyness.com to let your true self shine by positively encouraging yourself.

Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?What-To-Do-When-You-Fear-Bumping-Into-Your-Ex---3-Reasons-Why-You-Should-Tell-Your-Friends-About-It&id=6604486] What To Do When You Fear Bumping Into Your Ex - 3 Reasons Why You Should Tell Your Friends About It

After Breakup Tip : Keep Taking Care Of Your Body

After a breakup is the best time to get in touch with your body and take care of yourself. I know that it may be hard for those of you who are crying all the time, still in your pyjamas at dinner time, and have to drag yourself out of bed. I do hope you are coping better than that.

This tip is for the smart girls and boys out there who want to emerge stronger and more confident in their own skin after a breakup, and get into a better and possibly more successful relationship the next time. Get in touch with what your body needs to get over the breakup. I will share with you 3 tips to keep taking care of yourself and your body, which will reduce your heartache and reduce the mourning period (by alot).

Often in relationships (and especially with an unsuitable partner), people lose themselves. They try so hard to fit into the other person's idea of what a 'ideal' partner is like. They try to change who they are so the other person will like/love them more. They restrict their behaviours and beliefs to suit the other person. Hoping that by doing so, it will lead to a happy marriage and live happily ever after. Does that sound correct to you ? Have you done that before ?

I hear so often, 'It's like I don't know who I am anymore, after he/she left'.
Rather than feeling lost because you don't remember who you were without the relationship, take the opportunity to rediscover yourself, get in touch with your body and then recreate a more fabulous stunning YOU.

For me, I was always living in the future, believing that we would get married WHEN his job became more stable, when he earned more money, when he would have more time for me. I put effort in maintaining the relationship, despite only seeing each other for an hour each week, talking on the phone for 5 minutes a day, all in the dream of him marrying me. What a dreamer I was. I held on tightly to the memories and to the hopes for the future, not looking at what was actually happening. What I really did right was putting on makeup to work everyday and making sure i looked and felt good.

So when we broke up, i was determined to continue taking care of myself.

Tip #1 : Groom your body.
You don't have to go to the extent of getting all dolled up if you don't feel like it. Take a good shower or  baths. I always feel good and refreshed after a warm shower. Get a nice smelling body scrub and use it, gently exfoliating away dead skin cells, symbolic of removing the parts of you that feel dead. Then use a nice powder or body lotion and apply it all over your body, taking time to feel it on your skin, nurturing yourself and allowing yourself to heal.
Your body loves to be touched ! Feel how good it is to be caressed and stroked softly. Do that for your body and get in touch with you :)

Tip #2 : Ask your body what it needs to feel better.
Our bodies often have the best answers for us to look and feel the way we've always wanted. You just need to ask, and wait for the answer. Ask your body what exercise or movements it would like to have to feel better. Losing weight doesn't mean doing exercise 6 times a week for an hour each. It could even be a different thing anytime. My body tells me that I have done enough workout from gardening heehee. If it says you need chocolate icecream, by all means go ahead, but don't try to trick your body.
The way to tell if it's something your body wants is when it feels good.
If it doesn't make you feel good, try something else instead.

Tip #3 :Get whatever support you need.
I understand that it may not be so easy for some to get over a breakup. I especially managed to get over mine because of constant love and care from my sister and her fiance. So if you need support and help, talk to your friends and family, someone you can trust and will give you love.
Remember you don't have to go through this alone.

The best way to get over a breakup is when you get in touch with yourself. Be aware of your own needs and take care of yourself. When nursing a broken heart, you are the most important !

Your body is always there to support you in any way it can to make you feel better !
Get in touch with what you need today !

I love you !

Sneaky ways to find out his real age

Bunny Breakup goes on a far-fetched date to give you the scoop on dating an older guy and how to find out his real age.

Most of the time we date guys around the same age, have the same kind of background as us. You know the story, they come in different packaging but the story is often the same. For me its always a young guy, either studying or in army, taking money from his parents. He's funny, slightly awkward and fresh. So intent on trying something new, I agreed to go out with this older guy.

He didn't look too old, but definitely above 30. Turned out to be a much more pleasant date than expected. But the thought that I couldn't get out of my head was "EXACTLY HOW OLD IS THIS GUY?"

Maybe its a line common among older guys who want to date younger girls. He kept responding to my question by saying "i don't think age is an issue"

So i consulted my wise girlfriends and came up with some sneaky ways to find out his real age. And i did manage to conclude that he is 41. He could be my dad.

Q1. What zodiac sign are you ?
Throw in a suggestion like "I hear guys born in the year of the Dog are very loyal"
By roughly adding or subtracting 12 years for each cycle of the animal, you'll be able to find out how old he is.

Q2. Do you have any siblings ? How old are they ?
People who are close to their family members usually like to talk about them. So he'll give himself away by talking about a younger or older sibling. This is not as accurate in finding out the exact number as in question 1 but will often give you a good gauge.

Q3. Did you ever travel alone ? When was that?
It sounds like you're asking about his experience on the trip. But what you really want to listen up for is how old he was when he went and how long ago it was.
- feel free to change the question to "have you ever worked or lived overseas" to get the desired answer

So here are 3 sneaky questions to find out his real age. He especially won't suspect your intentions of these questions if you talk about related topics before throwing him the question. Remember to smile alot so he'll be captivated by you and will be more than willing to talk about himself.

ALL THE BEST !

What to do when he has a new girlfriend

The inevitable happens, people move on and get into new relationships. But I never expected it would hurt so much to see pictures of them. I always had the mindset that if he got together with someone else, I would be fine because it's his loss not to be with me. But nothing prepares you for the blow of it actually happening.

But it made me realize that he was just a liar. Refusing to admit there was another girl involved, promising that he wouldn't get into another relationship for a few years because he wanted to focus on his career. All bullshit.

Part of me wants to shout at him. Wants to tell him 'i knew it' but I refuse to give him the satisfaction of knowing that it affects me. Refuse to let him enjoy the tiniest bit of ego boost. I almost want to post pictures and let the whole world know the identity of this spoke of fellow. But I refuse to give him the slightest bit of fame from the 10 people who currently read this blog.

I can only say that I now truly see him for who he really is and wish him to marry that baby loving girl and lead a happy life. Please don't ever let me see your face again. I might be drastic. I will work hard and be better than anything you'll ever know.

3 tips for girls hurting after finding out he has moved on.

1. He has decided to be with someone else so stop waiting for him to come back.
Don't let him get the satisfaction of being wanted by more than one girl. You will just look pathetic. Being confident makes you attractive and will lead you to meet the next prince.

2. Enjoy your freedom from that guy. He is not worth your time, effort or thoughts. Do something nice off yourself like getting a manicure.

3. Call up a good friend. Preferably a her. Tell her your situation and make sure she stops you from doing anything foolish like call him.

I was so close to calling him up to scream or logging into his facebook account to see what's going on. But I know I don't want to sink so low.

For those ladies out there suffering, you are not alone. We are strong women and will get through this. The real prince is waiting.

Clearing out things that remind you of him

If i could, I'd throw away/donate every piece of clothing I wore when I was with him, I'd get rid of every single piece of furniture we had contact with together, blow up all the places we've ever been to. But that's not always possible right.

So many things can remind you of the person that you loved so much but broke your heart. It is often the little objects, meaningful things that don't even cost much that hurt you so much to look at. I've not been thorough in getting rid of stuff that belong to him and presents he gave me. So yesterday, as I was clearing my room, I found this

I believe the best way to heal your broken heart is to do whatever feels right for you. If you'll feel better burning all the clothes he left in your house, do it. If you need to stick pins in a voodoo doll, do it. If you need to write a hate letter and tear it up, do it. 

While I handed the presents he gave me to the garbage man, I forgot about this key holder that I bought for both of us. Mine was pink and his was blue. Yupp I can say byebye to it now. Just needed to look at it, feel the emotions and then move on. 

I like to think that our emotions are kept in the objects around us. So the emotions you have towards a person is held partly in the items related to that person. So as much as i think it's a very pretty bling keychain, I'm gonna bin it and bin the feelings of holding on/ waiting for him. 

I still keep some things from our relationship that I'm not ready to give up yet. But that's ok. 

Do you still own anything that reminds you of him/her but feel more ready to get rid of now ? If you answered Yes, go do it now ! 

Number 1 men flaw: indecisiveness

Bunny Breakup shares tips on how to be more decisive and score more dates with the ladies 

Guys can be so indecisive ! Why can't they be more proactive ? I'm not referring to the facial care products for goodness sake. I know they mean it with good intentions but really, we want a man who will sweep us off our feet with his manly decisiveness. (but give in to us if we suggest a change of plans at the last minute)

Classic scenario:
Man:"want to catch a movie with me?"
Lady:"ummmmm................... (doesn't know how to answer)"

See the problem ? He is not suggesting the movie, when, or what time. FAIL FAIL FAIL. They think that they are giving the woman the choice with that 'I am fine with anything' mentality'. *faints* Or maybe he's hoping to get a conversation going about what types of movie she likes. These kind of men are long-winded and boring.

Girls like to see that a man can make decisions in life. If he can't even decide on a simple thing like which movie to bring her to and needs her to make all the choices, how is he ever going to be a stable husband? (which is really what we are looking for in a relationship right, a man that we can spend the rest of our lives with).
Indecisive = unstable = cannot be trusted

Maybe this boils down to the fundamental issue of the way men communicate. Some men are clear of what they want and some are undecided. This is reflected in the way you ask someone out on a date.

Bunny Breakup advice: BE SPECIFIC. The more specific, the easier it will be for her to accept or reject your offer, or suggest some alternatives. You want to make it as simple as possible for her to go on a date with you (especially if she is not head-over-heels in love, yet).

Suggested scenario: 
Man: "Want to catch Black Swan with me on Tuesday at Plaza Singapura at 7pm?"
Lady:"I'm free on Tuesday. OK" or "I've already watched Black Swan, How about 127 Hours instead?" or "I'm not free on Tuesday, how about Wednesday same time?" or "Sorry I don't want to watch a movie this week, lets have dinner instead" 

All much more positive responses from her :) You get to learn if she likes the same movies as you and which day is good to meet her.
Unless she responds with "No I'm not interested in going out with you" (ouch) at least she's given you a swift rejection and you can go spend your time and effort asking someone else instead.

Don't treat this as a stab at your ego. I honestly want men to be better at asking women out. Do try it out and see if it makes a difference. No harm trying everything once right.

Let me know if it has helped !

Had A Shocking Breakup ? Understanding the loss of a relationship to move on

Are u finding it hard to move on after he/she ended the relationship?

 

Bunny Breakup advice: Understand the loss of your relationship to make sense of the breakup

Breaking up can make you behave irrationally. It might come as a shock if one day you're happy and hear him saying 'I love you' and the next he's telling you he's not the one for you. How does he change feelings within the short span of ONE DAY ?! Especially when you didn't think anything was wrong. 

Or you could be the one initiating the breakup. You might have used cheesy breakup lines like 'It's not you, It's me' or 'I think you are a really great person and you deserve to be with someone better'. Truths dressed up in party dresses with tacky makeup. Urgghh. 

No matter if the relationship ended amicably or disastrously, you need to understand that you have suffered a loss. If not only the time and effort you spent in the relationship. And we all know that losing something or having something taken away from you results in feelings of shock, anger, hurt. Many people try to suppress these feelings, ignore it or even deny its existence. These are unhealthy ways of dealing with the breakup and always prevents you from moving on. 

Knowledge and acceptance are the tools in helping you to grieve the loss and move forward in life after breaking up. I compiled a list of things you lose after a breakup. 

1. A friend to confide in 

2. Identity as a couple

3. Companionship and shared experiences 

4. Support

5. Hopes and dreams together 

These may or may not have been pleasurable but losing someone in your life creates a vacuum where they used to be. 

What is the most important thing you lost after the breakup ?

mine was losing the ritual of wishing him goodnight before bedtime

The ALL-IMPORTANT first post

I've been pondering over how to phrase the first 'introductory' post of The Bunny Breakup Blog for a few days. Trying to find the right 'voice' and 'feel' and 'style' of writing. It has to be interesting, intriguing and thought provoking so that people would want to visit again, and Again, and AGain, and AGAIN.....

But i realised that the essence of this blog is about confidence, breaking barriers, getting out of the comfort zone and doing things you would never think you could do. And those were essentially the fears I had in trying to come up with the perfect 'first-post' that would set a good tone for the rest of this journey. What is 'perfect' anyway ? The pursuit of perfection destroyed Natalie Portman in the Black Swan (but that movie is a different discussion altogether).

So here goes ! I am announcing Bunny Breakup into this world !

I release any fears that people think that coming up with a new persona is stupid. I release my fears that no one will ever read my blog. I allow this blog to be wildly famous (even more popular than Xiaxue). I allow my opinions to matter and for people to take my advice in being treated well. I accept that popularity can spiral out of control and promise to try and stay true to myself in the process. I believe that I am special and unique and amazing and wonderful. I know there is much to learn in life and am willing to put in effort, determination and perservere till I succeed.

This blog is inspired by you. The countless girls I've seen treated badly by guys, waiting for a man who isn't sure what he wants, begging for him to take her back.

After breaking up, I saw all the flaws in the relationship, all the things he did/ didn't do I overlooked because of love, everything I put up with to keep us happy. My eyes could see clearer and the view looked brighter. Though we broke up, I don't see it as a 'failure', I think it was a learning experience that has helped me know better what I want in a relationship and what sort of tell-tale signs to look out for.

This blog is conversational, I want to hear about your stories, your experiences. I would like to be part of your grieving process. If would help get over him quicker and easier if you share. Don't keep it bottled up inside. I want to inspire anyone who is heartbroken and lost after a breakup. It could actually be the best thing in your life.

A lot of my knowledge and theories arise from watching movies, reading books, observing strangers in public, the internet and even stories from friends. I will not say that I know everything about relationships so if there is anything you'd like to share, do drop me an email at bunnybreakup@gmail.com

I'm excited to share this journey with you.

Ps: I love the banner I created and the cute strawberry background !